Dr. Frank's What's-it

Late to the Party and Clueless about the Theme

Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About has been on my reading list for awhile now, though I haven't got round to it yet. Somehow it managed to escape me till now that the author, Guardian columnist Mil Millington, has a website called Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About that contains the true life raw material from which the novel was apparently derived. It's basically a list of hilariously-narrated arguments between the author and his German girlfriend. If the book is even half as funny as the website, it's a guaranteed winner. Read it. You will laugh.

Quotes:

If I'm sitting on the sofa reading a book and Margret enters the room she will say this: 'What are you doing?' If I'm peeling potatoes in the kitchen when she happens upon me, or pushing batteries into one of the children's extensive range of screeching toys, or writing on the side of a video cassette I've just pulled out of the recorder, the same thing: 'What are you doing?' I mean, a fellow likes to feel he's a bit enigmatic now and then, a tad mysterious and deep, but how can a person see me, for example, screwing a new bulb into a light fitting and not be able to see immediately and with huge, reverberating, chill clarity precisely what it is that I'm doing? It's like living with Mork.

...

So, the thing was, I'd cut this picture of PJ Harvey out of a magazine (yes, the 'Lick My Legs' one, of course the 'Lick My Legs' one) and I was framing it to put on my wall here. 'Who's that?' asked First Born.

'That,' I replied, 'is PJ Harvey.'

'Who's PJ Harvey?' he said. (Bless.)

'She's a singer and a songwriter,' I explained. Adding, as I'm sure most people would, 'I used to go out with her. You know - years before Mama and I met.'

Now, you'll never guess what happened next. Incredibly, Margret goes through the roof. No, I'm not kidding - she goes through the roof and starts ranting that I shouldn't say I used to got out with PJ Harvey. Can you believe that? I mean, for one thing, I don't tell her that she can't watch gardening shows on the TV or go swimming or whatever, so how come I can't tell people that I used to go out with PJ Harvey? There has to be give and take in a relationship, right? The main issue, though, is why on earth she should object in the first place. Surely, if anyone is well placed to take issue with my going around saying that I used to go out with PJ Harvey, then who is that person? Damn right. It's PJ Harvey. And her record company, maybe. Also, possibly her legal representatives have good grounds to intervene, perhaps in a manner that leads, ultimately, to some kind of court order against me. So, yes, all those people seem to be perfectly justified in stepping in - but my girlfriend? God - it's getting so I can't do anything.

via Mondo, via Natalie.