Dr. Frank's What's-it

Mao-y Wow-y

Somehow I stumbled on these pages of "Maoist" music and movie reviews from the Maoist Internationalist Movement. Just reading at random was good for half an hour or so of decent amusement.

The primary consideration in these reviews is whether the work in question needs to be banned immediately as soon as the party seizes power; or whether, on the other hand, it is sufficiently harmless that its banning can safely proceed at a more leisurely pace. The first pass will, theoretically, leave a small chunk of pop culture more or less intact.

But make no mistake; ultimately, very little will be spared, and they've got the censorship and book-burning machine all fired up and ready to go:

When we disapprove of something we mean to ban it upon seizure of state power... The party has yet to approve a specific percentage of films and music that it believes should be banned. This will be a task of a future party congress. Judging from reviews done so far, I would guesstimate it appears that MIM would ban 95% of existing performing arts culture.

But they have their prioirities, as I mentioned. "In the first round of censoring music," they write, "either by outright banning or revision, we will have to focus on the outwardly sick and misogynist music..." Thus, the Cars will be spared the first round of censorship. The Police, too. "Promotion of the romance culture" is bad, but not that bad. It can wait.

The Rolling Stones' Hot Rocks doesn't fare so well, though: "some of the songs on this album are near the top of the list 'To Be Censored Under the Dictatorship of the Proletariat.'"

This would include most of the girl songs (er, make that, wimmin songs) I suppose. But other Stones songs do get the MIM seal of approval, such as Sympathy for the Devil. You know, because it "is talking about wars and assassinations." Of course. Furthermore:

another song with a positive spin to it is "Gimme Shelter" which is about war, rape and murder. It's hard to make out the first word of what Jagger is saying: "War, children, it's just a shot away It's just a shot away." While Jagger constantly puts down adult wimmin, his attitude toward children is more correct, at least with regard to war and drug-dealing...

One random thing I love about these reviews: the continual use of the word "Persynal," which sounds like a great name for a psycho-tropic or anti-anxiety medication, but is actually, of course, an attempt at a gender-neutral spelling for "personal." Syn of a butch!

Another random thing I like: even the reviews of the music at the top of the "to be burned" list have "buy it from Amazon" links. Take that, Imperialist Swine!

The movie reviews are every bit as awesome. Check out A Bug's Life (which they fault for not realizing its full potential as an allegory contra U$ Imperialism); and The Lord of the Rings (in which a quotation from Chairman Mao identifies the true heroes of the story: Boromir and Saruman!)

The final scene of Spiderman, in which Peter Parker ultimately chooses superheroism over love, presents, for the Maos, "the most important political message in the movie":

This is the asexuality that MIM praises as a superior romantic practice.

Oh, and I almost forgot: even though much of the Jagger/Richard songbook will be summarily erased from our cultural memory by whatever means necessary, there is at least one rock song that the Maos like more or less unreservedly, or at least with enough enthusiam to reserve a permanent place for it in the saving 5%, out of bounds for censorship. "Fortunately for us communists, we agree with its message." That would be "Stairway to Heaven," babies and gentlemen. Asexual slowdance! Ah, it makes you wonder...

There's lots more where that came from, believe me. Read 'em while you still can.

Posted by Dr. Frank at June 6, 2004 02:48 AM | TrackBack